Merv carefully lined up the cross-hairs of his gun with his target. He thought about what he was about to do. He thought of all of the accomplishments this man might have, all of the things he might do. He might even have a family. Merv imagined children coming home to a home where their mother was crying over an opened letter. His target was totally unaware of how Merv was watching him, waiting on him, for the perfect moment.
Merv came home and saw his mother crying to a letter. Merv knew that because she had it in her hand. Merv asked his mother what had happened but she did not answer.
Merv then considered going out for pizza, or maybe a junior bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's. So, he did just that. He left his gun, and his mother at home crying. On his way out, he grabbed his wallet and decided to include Taco Bell on his fast food tour. He was craving a Chalupa. Mmmmm. Just as he was pulling into the parking lot of the pizza place, a homeless person jumped out in front of the car and asked Merv for change.
Instead Merv gave the homeless man his junior bacon cheeseburger and told him to come back to his house for pizza. Just then he remembered his mother was at home crying so he decided instead to ...
start a new life! He would no longer be a contract killer! In the past, he had accepted jobs because he knew that there were too many nuisance monkeys in the world. Assassination seemed to be the only solution. These monkeys were forcing their way into every level of society and refusing to dance to accordion music. Instead of being obedient pets, they were hacking into computers and managing all of people's personal affairs. His mother's monkey would no longer entertain her or bring her the morning banana!!!!
He knew now, though, that killing them was not the only way! He could learn monkey training techniques, and start a school of monkeyismatic thought processes and pet primate training! No longer would the up-start monkeys hinder humankind's search for greatness with their own!!
"Those monkeys are all over the map, man! Look there, you see the
stock patterns? They're on the move, man, it's all coming down!"
Leaving the bum to his insensible ramblings, Merv had to think.
Primates, particularly chimpanzees and orangutans, were the only other
mammals who have shown conclusive evidence to being self-aware.
Baboons have endured an alarmingly similar, if not genetically
identical, relation to the evolutionary path of humans.
"Those hairy buggers are coming! You think you're safe? You're not
safe! It's all comin' down, man, it's all over!" Even as police
dragged the bum to his knees, a busker performed on the street with
his simian partner, the impenetrable black eyes of Juju the genius
sitar-playing monkey exuding intelligence, and menace.
Merv unlocked his door, walked through the shee