"Now where did I put those new lights I bought?" Jeremiah asked himself as he pulled out the old Christmas tree. "I know I got 6 strings -- 3 of purple and 3 of orange -- the perfect Christmas colours." He decided to
check under the garage where he liked to hide things, but they weren't there. So he went to his neighbour's house and asked her if she had seen them. She said,
"Get off my property," and raised a shotgun, pointing it in his direction. Jeremiah was no fool (or at least, no more so than the rest of the population of the town), and so ran off as quickly as he could. He decided to return later at night, to see if the missing lights had been hidden by his nasty neighbour, somewhere on her property.
Indeed they were hidden in a bucket hung from the big fir tree. So Jerry climbed the tree to fetch them, because he saw them shining down from above. As he climbed the big tree disaster struck,
in the form of a bolt of lightning. The owner and resident of the property, who had chased Joe away before, rushed out half-sleeping to see what was going on, having been awakened by the light of a large flaming fir. In her stupor, she fired round after round at the blaze. Now Joe had already escaped, but when he saw the bright orange and purple flash of his bulbs being shot, he knew this wasn't good. His only other bulbs were in a less-than-seasonal red and green!
Luckily for Joe, the charter of rights allowed him to carry around his own pistol. He fired once, then the night went silent. "...oh shit," said Joe when he realized he'd just shot his neighbor between the eyes.
As luck would have it (for the nearly dead neighbor) Jeremiah had EMT training and was able to stick a glowing green light bulb into the wound. The heat from the bulb cauterized and sterilized all blood and injury and the nearly dead neighbor was nearly dead no more. "Aw shucks, another Christmas miracle," muttered Jeremiah.