'Twas a dark and stormy night -- really it was, because it was raining like hell and being night, it was dark, of course. Then I heard a wicked scream. You'll never believe what I saw then....
An eerie apparition rose above the porch railing and started floating toward me. The scream came from me -- I was so frightened that I could feel an army of perspiration droplets marching down my back. Just as I was blacking out,
the apparition solidified, and I could see that it was just the cat from next door. Unfortunately, I was already falling to the ground, and unable to stop myself. It was then that the cat did the most amazing thing.
In a show of amazing grace, it executed a perfect double flip pirouette jump onto the nearby sound system, leapt into and off of the small of my back (thus slowing my fall), and flipped an entire fresh bag of Stay-Puft marshmallows off the shelf, whence they slid into the perfect position to completely cushion my fall -- all in time to the tape of Amazing Grace playing in the next room!
Then I woke up, lying face up on the driveway. It was still raining and still dark, and there was a cat sitting on my chest staring at me.
"...how the hell did you cushion my fall, doing all those funky maneuvers to such a slow tune?!" The cat just stared at me, though I'd swear it glanced shiftily while doing so. That's the last I heard of that night, so I guess I may never know. The last I heard of the cat, it was off visiting some relatives ... on Mars.