Twice upon a time, some whozzit did wazzit and the whole werezzit went Kablooie. On the occasion detailed herein there were more than three survivors, though less than ten. There is a reason no one could get a precise count of them...
The pieces were too small and numerous to measure accurately. Of course, these survivors, being in pieces, were very much envying those who had managed not to survive. There was, however, a greater purpose they had to fulfill.
As it turned out, the mad, yet not evil, scientist Dr. Ivan C. Weiner (pronounced like "viner" -- he was German) had nearly perfected his Elixir of Life. So far, he had mastered only the immortality aspect. Invincibility still eluded him, as did youth, though having found a certain legendary fountain, the latter was not an issue.
This fountain spewed out stuff that looked and tasted like dark chocolate. In fact, that's what it was. So the myth that chocolate is good for you was no myth after all. So Weiner, who didn't like the taste of chocolate, spiced it up with maple syrup. The final product tasted like...
mocha mousse coffee -- indeed delicious.
"This is not a good development," said Dr. Weiner. "Now I will not be
able to keep all and sundry from drinking my potion, and everyone will
live forever. In the interests of mankind, I will destroy my invention.
We will return to the good old status quo."